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Thanks nagasaki doll for offering me this very entertaining aritcle. this is a piece of article from a Dutch magazine, translation work by nagasaki doll. Any mistakes is not n.d.'s or my fault, I believe that n.d. just translated the whole thing word to word, without any alterations. For the original copy of this article with n.d.'s comment, please go to Us Against You.

Warning: Please don't take this piece seriously. It's purely for a laugh, for entertainment only!


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A few months ago the music world was startled bythe sudden departure of guitarist/songwriter Bernard Butler of the British topband Suede. How was the the band that were once described as the pop-messiahs of the 90's to go on? No sweat! The three remaining Suede members just plucked Richard Oakes, a guitar prodigy of only 17 years young, from school. This week Richard himself tells about his first experiences in the world of rock 'n' roll...

Actually the intentions were for Richard Oakes to become successful lawyer, just like his father and sister. He attended the prominent Poole Grammar School in Dorset and appeared to be a brilliant student. Until Brett Anderson, Simon Gilbert and Mat Osman of Suede came by and took him to London. Ever since Richard has been playing truant and is the guitarist of a band that's seen as the biggest pop-promise of the 90's. Here follows Richard's own story from his personal diary.
"Through my best friend Pete I got in touch with Suede. I found them a great band. In April '93 I saw them playing. When I saw guitarist Bernard Butler I just wanted to drag him offstage. I wanted to be standing up there. I had always been a passionate guitarist. Then I saw the ad in a music paper: 'Well known band seeking rhythm/lead guitarist. Influences: Beatles and Suede.' I had heard of Butler's departure and that's why I just knew this had to be theirs. I really desperately wanted the job and so I immediately replied.
August 26
'In my bedroom I put three Suede tracks on a tape and sent it to the address from the ad'.
September 3
'I was packing my suitcase to go on a short holiday to the French riviera with my parents when I received a phonecall from Suede-manager Charlie Charlton. He advised me not to go on holiday because the guys from Suede really liked my tape. We made an appointment for an audition.'
September 10
'I met Suede in a London studio and stood there giggling for five minutes.Then we played for at least five hours together. I could tell by their enthousiasm they really could appreciate my guitar playing. I thought¬:"Yeah, this is rock 'n' roll!"'
September 13
'Again I went to London for a final audition with Suede. They said I was one of 400 candidates and so I didn't rate my chances too high. After the audition the band took me to a pub to have a drink. Not only musically but also personally we got on very well.'
September 15
'The first schoolweek had started. I was standing in the playground eating a sandwich, when I was called through the intercom. I had to report with the concierge. There the band stood waiting for me. Singer Brad asked me:"Well? Do you think you're ready for it?" I nervously started giggling and said whisperingly:"Okay".On the way home I realised that from now on I was a Suede member. I thought:"Oh my god, my life will never be the same again!".'
September 16
'My parents saw me off at the station. I went to London for good to start a rock 'n' roll life. My mother cried. My parents were not really happy with my decision to quit school, but they also thought I should follow my heart. This is my big chance. School can wait.'
September 17
'My first work as a Suede member was the recording of a video. I moved in with manager Charlie. I sleep on the sofa. It's no use trying to find a place of my own in London at the moment. Suede's world tour will still last till the end of 1995.'
September 30
'Every day I learn something new. The first time in the studio I didn't even know how to put on my headphones, but now I already feel like a real professional. I got a lot skinnier since I moved in with Charlie. My mother is worried my food is not healthy enouh and, too be honest, it isn't.'
October 3
'In the short time I've been with Suede I have already recorded two videos, performed four times, went to France for promotional purposes and recorded a few new songs. During the second gig my guitar broke in two.That was a scary moment. Thank goodness there was still a spare guitar backstage.The second video was recorded on a free¬zing cold day in Dartmoor. Het was deadly boring, not at all what I expected of it. I was waiting for 14 hours in a mini-van. The other guys told me this was the other side of succes and I'd better get used to it. My best friend Pete came to visit me in London. I introduced him to the other Suede members. After all, he was the one to take me to a Suede gig a year ago.'

November 1
'I'm getting quite used to my new life as a rock 'n' roll star. My first experience with fans was with Top Of The Pops. They threw flowers and presents on stage during the gig and afterwards asked me if they could kiss me. I found that quite embarrassing. It's pretty awkward, because only a few months earlier it could have been me standing amongst the fans in the crowd. My friends think I'm the luckiest guy in the world and they're right! No curriculums and school reports anymore, but touring and chord schemes. This is the dream of every teenager. The other band members are terribly nice. They're just ordinary guys like you'd meet in any pub. The only difference between me and them is that I don't smoke and don't do drugs.'

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Hitkrant Magazine, 1994
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